Looking for birthday ideas for your man? Have you thought of a pedicure? I hadn't ever thought that would be a good gift for a man, either...until...after being attacked by my man's killer shark feet.
An attack by a killer shark is a horrifying thing. Imagine how much more horrific it could be if a killer shark had feet...calloused, scaled feet with jagged nails.
My man is the sexiest thing I have ever seen...except...his feet.
The other night in bed I was awakened by the scraping of his foot across my leg. He was still asleep...but his calloused appendage scraped skin from my thigh as his toenail cut a swath into my flesh.
I swam with sharks off the coast of Hawaii. I was always careful not to get too close. I wasn't as afraid of being bitten by those little guys...as I was afraid of having my skin scraped off by their very abrasive shark skin.
This wounding was obviously not intentional...my hot ass man would never intentionally do anything to hurt me...but it still hurt.
Hmm...what to do? I am not going to say: "Baby...your feet are repulsive and they are as dangerous as killer shark feet!"
So...on his last birthday...and looking for birthday ideas anyway...I tried: "Baby I have a surprise for you..." He was instantly ready...like a Retriever on point! My man knows that my surprises are usually sweeeet.
And then I proceeded to...fix the problem of his killer shark feet by giving him a sensual pedicure. Very few men have ever had a pedicure. This new experience for my man was very well received at home. But I don't think my suggesting that he go to a salon for a pedicure would have been well received.
I wore my French Maid costume. "Costuming" is of course completely optional for this activity...but I recommended it to add to the fun. Especially if you want your man to attack you later like...well like...a killer shark.
Next...I produced my basket of foot goodies and groomed and massaged his feet from calloused, screaming, killer shark feet nightmares into tootsies that I don't mind next to me in bed.
If you are looking for birthday ideas...this pedicure set is nice for wrapping with a gift coupon for your man.
I don't receive any compensation for product endorsements. I just give you specific suggestions to try to be as helpful as possible.
1. Spread a large towel out onto the floor in front of his favorite comfy chair.
2. Add a teaspoon of Pedi Soak foot bath to a gallon of warm water and agitate. Let his feet soak for 5-10 minutes and then pat them dry. The Pedi Soak has a pleasant fresh scent and gets his feet clean while helping to relax him.
A warm soak not only feels wonderful but also helps to soften his toenails so they can be cut easier with a nail clipper.
3. For cuticle removal...apply a small amount of Pedi Care sloughing lotion to each toenail.
4. Very gently push the cuticles of his toenails back with the flat end of the Marianna Professional Chrome Cuticle Pusher. Wipe off any remaining lotion.
5. Use the pointed end to clean under the nail edges. Avoid pushing it too deeply so you don't damage nail growth or fray the cuticles.
6. Carefully trim his toenails with a straight edge toenail clipper. Toenails are definitely easier to trim after soaking. Cutting toenails when wet also helps to avoid cracking and splitting the nails.
Toenails should be trimmed straight across...above the quick. Don't cut toenails shorter than the end of the toe. Cutting nails too short can increase the chance of developing an ingrown toenail. And an ingrown toenail can give anyone the disposition of a killer shark.
7. File the edges of his toenails smooth with an emery board. (Don't forget...it may be your leg getting scraped in the night...) You can also use an emery board to reduce the thickness of a nail if you need to. You can get larger emery boards with a more coarse filing surface at Sally Beauty if your man's toenails are extra thick...in the Great White Killer Shark territory.
8. Return his feet to the soaking tub briefly and then remove them from the water. Pat off the excess water...but leave his feet slightly damp.
9. Apply Callus Off liberally over the callused areas. Be sure to wear gloves and rinse your hands well immediately after applying. The potassium hydroxide in it can irritate the sensitive skin on your hands.
Allow it to penetrate for 5 minutes. Callus Off softens and conditions calluses for easy removal. Rinse and dry his feet. The killer shark feet should be almost gone now.
NOTE: This stuff really works well! I discovered by accident (so I don't always read the directions first...) that it is the best cuticle remover for my hands that I've ever used. But be careful if you use it on your cuticles. I wouldn't leave it on your cuticles longer than 3 minutes...it is really drying to the sensitive skin on your fingers.
Callus Off has been one of my go-to products for including in gift baskets for my girlfriends. Aren't we always looking for unique birthday ideas for them?
10. Use the Gena Pedi-Rasp on any thick and rough calluses. This foot rasp is like the "Pedi-Egg" ($10) but with a handle for easier use.
Then follow up with the Pedi Sander file from the kit to gently buff away any calluses on the bottoms and sides of his feet. But don't touch the back of his heels. The Pedi Sander file is like an emery board to buff his feet even smoother than the Pedi-Rasp.
Wash the Pedi-Rasp and the Pedi Sander thoroughly with water after his pedicure is finished.
Apply Pedi Cure Foot Treatment Creme to his feet. Add a little extra lotion to the roughest skin areas. The Pedi Cure is quite thick and luxuriously textured. The scent of peppermint and lavender is divine...but not too "girly" for your man to enjoy.
Really take the time to give him an amazing foot massage. Here are the erotic details for giving a perfect Sole-Mate Massage.
This is where you show him what you've really got. Fuel his fantasies. He'll be thinking: "OMG...if she is this good on my FEET...just think how good she will be on my..." Oh, yeah...make him moan.
11. Be ready for some night fun to follow.
12. I am going to try to follow this up every week to keep his feet nice. No more sleeping with killer shark feet scraping me.
BTW...In my house, turnabout is more than fair play...tonight is my turn to receive the "treatment" from him. Or...when he is fishing around for birthday ideas for you...suggest a pedicure.
I'll be asking for Essie "Sassy Satchel" red polish on my toenails.
Remember that scene in Bull Durham when Kevin Costner paints Susan Sarandon's toenails? That is hot!
But...my man will not be wearing the French Maid costume because that would just be wrong.
From the Gena Feet To Go Kit insert (in case you are ever on Jeopardy):
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